A heavy conversation, a heavy heart. They weigh upon our entire beings unless someone will pick up some of the burden. Unlike fruits and veggies whose weight a scale will tell you, unlike your own avoirdupois digitally or mechanically measured; losses, decisions, memories, and hope can't be hefted in ordinary ways.
Kate's one word prompt this week was particularly apt for her son's need to purchase a serious suit because he'd be speaking publicly about the heavy loss of a close friend in a car crash. Weight is right-on for me this time, too. Recently I've finally been admitting the impact and import of where I currently find myself. Find myself is too optimistic right now, but let's say where I need to discover, re-wild, and find myself again.
Some of you know though southern-born, I grew up mostly in New England in a family whose origins were Southern and Midwestern, a geographical trio that has given me a lot of reserve when it comes to talking about myself. In addition, having a fair amount of chronology behind me means I've encountered hundreds of people whose only topic of talk (I wouldn't call it conversation!) is… themselves. That makes me quadruply reluctant to open up my heart or my life.
I'm at a watershed. You've probably heard in order to predict the future, create the future, and I've been doing just that. But something got scrambled, misdirected, or maybe I wrote the code wrong? In any case, everything about my life, everything that's still not happening in my life is an immense weight I can't lift, roll away, or budge even a bit.
Eleven plus years ago during Lent 2013 I quoted from one of my rethink church posts with the additional, "I fear more months, years, decades of aimless drifting."
Out of time! Now what? Thanks for visiting!
Postscript: my header image is a delicious sandwich because I intended to write about Food Is My Love Language, and how heavy everything is when people don't bring me snacks or invite me, how light everything feels when they do. "I brought you a boba!" "I brought you a bagel!" "Do you want to got to lunch soon?" "Party time!!"
A mix of thoughts! Just like my posts. LOL! I moved from the emotionally cold mid-west (Wisconsin, Minnesota) to the wildly warm south (Phoenix). It took years to unthaw my soul. Then, in Ohio, I found huggers and squishers and my soul was unthawed even more. Now, when we go back north I find myself toning it down so I am not frozen out altogether. --blessings-- (FMF#2)
ReplyDeleteWhat is it about the Midwest, that we tend to hold it all in. I lived in Texas and learned how to let loose a little, but now in Ohio again, I've realized I hold things close again. But God! Thank God that He is always there for us! Thank you for being honest and open. Keep running to Him! (fmf#10)
ReplyDeletesometimes our plans for writing end up being so very different than what results in those given five minutes. I totally get that food is a love language. I'd have fun making stuff for you! :) Banana bread okay? FMF7
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