• Five Minute Friday :: Abandon Linkup
Like an abandoned dwelling place or a dream too extravagant to keep believing, the life I expected to continue in a recognizable form suddenly was no more. I say "suddenly" except I have no clue when or where it happened. I still can't fathom what happened. I kept on keeping on as usual, somehow not comprehending "insanity is expecting different results from the same behaviors." Evidently I kept chasing a way of being in the world that had abandoned me, because I was too stubborn to admit to anything other than a brief intermission. Dramatic? Yes, and you can't change what you don't admit.
Life hadn't become simpler. It had become smaller. I was lost. Abandoned. I'd expected the rhythms of my days to continue—or return, but now I know they were gone.
I need to figure out how to rebuild the last place and the last time my world made sense to me. I need to try to find a way out of the silence and the stillness. Do you think a therapist or a life coach could help? I'd planned to start spiritual direction, and I've reached out about it, but it can't begin with my current life-work schedule.
How do you count all those years of new mornings without a purpose during the day? Yet I still wait upon the life that disappeared.
I keep trying to replicate the way it was before my world ended. No wonder I hanker for Y2K! For life with a pulse and a rhythm. Chaotic, purposeful, meaningful. Messy and healing.
As I exist in the space between what I knew and what I don't dare hope for, the silence sometimes feels accusatory. On the other hand, sometimes the silence is wide and spacious and almost welcoming.
Is there a new shape to my life? One that embraces, doesn't abandon?
This really tugs at the heart, the desire to recreate what was, before it all fell apart.
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