wednesday of easter 4

14 May

Beginning on Ash Wednesday, for the first time in five or six years I've tried to publicize more of my own individual story, but despite tweeting each post several times, not a single one has registered higher than 20 hits, so I quit. For now. In any case, for this particular narrative in-person probably is best, but I still want the world out there to know more.

Short version: shortly after going on staff of Sizable Suburban Church I flew down a flight of stairs and sustained what an astonishing number of years later I finally realized was a Mild Traumatic Brain Injury (MTBI). The event caused a couple years of seizures, and then a mistaken diagnosis of a major psychotic illness. That dx surprised me immensely, but (apparently I presented with and) I complained about negative symptoms of flat affect, impoverished speech... me?! Emotionally flat, not wanting to talk endlessly and gravitate toward every person within a country mile? You can't live without defenses, and at first I assumed some of my experiences weren't worth an emotional reaction of any magnitude; although historically I've felt passionately about people and events, we sure ain't never been talkin' about Latin Temperament here! I also had a substantial family history of major depression, bipolar I, agoraphobia, suicide, etc., and my own struggles with claustrophobia, OCD, panic disorder. Although those are disorders of mood and not disorders of thought, no one is immune to an episode of psychosis. I still agonize over, wonder about how to move beyond the devastating cost of losing my friends and career I assumed easily would reweave.

Most likely I'll label some future posts with tellingthestory as I try to continue conveying some of it locally. Where I am. Where people live.