Friday, March 22, 2024

Five Minute Friday :: Blame

life stuff
Five Minute friday :: Blame Linkup


I tend to want everything to be all my fault (completely in control and even to blame, ha ha) or not at all my fault (totally outta control no blame). Fact is, everything everyone does factors into outcomes. Bad behaviors, good actions. Negative intentions and positive attempts.

"No One Is to Blame" by Howard Jones is about unrequited love, and it's a general sigh of disappointment with other longings that sometimes never happen for no apparent reason:
You can look at the menu But you just can't eat
You can feel the cushions But you can't have a seat

You can dip your foot in the pool But you can't have a swim
You can feel the punishment But you can't commit the sin

You can build a mansion But you just can't live in
You're the fastest runner But you're not allowed to win

Some break the rules And let you count the cost
The insecurity is the thing that won't get lost


Once again I'm trying to discern my next move on several levels. That means a classic looking back to recognize what moves went well and which ones didn't; it means looking around at visible options and trying to peer into the future to imagine how past successes and present longings might come together into something new in ways that would serve church and world and offer good stewardship of my gifts, education, and experience. Gifts, education, experiences and desires! As in sense of call.

Like most women – probably most humans – I usually try to figure out who are what's to blame for everything that hasn't happened as reasonably expected. And then there's the unprogrammed, unexpected, the surprises that happen and suddenly everything changes! Everything changes because there's a new factor in town. Maybe a new person has come on stage, sometimes long range plans have turned around. Can we say "blame" the new factor, person, or circumstance?

Ages ago I was counseling with a colleague who said to me, "you keep wanting to hear everything's all your fault. Wouldn't that be nice. You'd be in control." He then pointed out some terrible behaviors and bad actors that had been factors in where my life and expectations had landed. Were they to blame? Partly. Was I to blame? In spite of no responsibility for their actions, simply being there made me a factor, though probably not blamable or culpable. Or guilty!

What's the solution? Is there an answer? Yes, there is. Look back to discern as clearly as possible what has brought you (or me) to this point. Gaze into the future to whatever extent possible. Don't blame; don't wish you could change your here and now. Acknowledge God waits for you at your future. Get up. Put one foot in front of the other. Follow your heart. Go there and welcome the future.

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five minute friday blame
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  1. just the encouragement I needed in looking into the future. A positive perspective. Thank you. FMF14

  2. I really like this post. I had not really thought before about how constant self-blame might factor into a desire to control things, but it makes sense! If it's all my fault, I do have quite a bit of power, don't I? I also appreciate your comments about looking back, looking forward, and examining the here and now. So insightful, thanks! - Jeannie (your neighbour at #10 in the FMF linkup)


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