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• Five Minute Friday :: Undecided Linkup
As an opinionated person, almost too often I sandwich myself between two or more choices. I usually do that list of pros and cons; I usually get hung up for a while because the total rank of everything usually feels identical.
Some history—ancient and modern:
I can't count the times my offers to participate in church or elsewhere have been refused, often with a rude remark or two or three. I perceive myself as very able; at the same time I'm fully aware how far I still have to go, though I'm exquisitely aware knowing my background could intimidate people… yes, but how many times have I even hinted at much of what I've done in school, at work, in the church? A person (you, me, anyone) can't exit a setting the moment someone looks askance at them, and I've become expert at persisting.
However, as soon as I reflect on yet another rebuff, rejection, or refusal, I always remind myself, "My experience would have been very different in a place like Cambridge or Berkeley." But not once did I ever consider relocating to "a place like Cambridge or Berkeley." Not until a little less than a year ago. As an acquaintance suggested when I told him that particular history, it probably was the Holy Spirit suggesting Cambridge, Berkeley, or related all along. Slow learner, right?
Soooo…knowing I couldn't simply transport myself up north, find housing and opportunities, and settle in, late last fall I finally contacted several San Francisco Bay area entities I hoped would become real connections. Both the responses I got and the lack of responses disappointed me; for several reasons I haven't tried since then. Am I still undecided? No, I am not! I have decided! But practically and financially, my only option for relocating to the north is to have a worship space, working place, and a dwelling waiting to welcome me.
Still undecided? I just told you, no! But I am excited!
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